Letter to My Family during Covid-19 Pandemic

My Dear Family. Greetings

First, I want you to know that as of today, we are well. No cough, no fever and no shortness of breath.  Tomorrow is another day, but so far so good. Thank you for your good wishes and prayers. Your telephone and video calls are greatly appreciated. They cheer us up.

Today, I write to you about a subject that is not pleasant, so please forgive me if you do not like what I have to say. Today I am writing to you about death and dying.

You do know that I am an optimist. So you must be wondering why I am I talking about death and dying. And you have guessed right. It is the coronavirus.

No. I am not infected, or at least I don’t think that I am. Thank God, I have no symptoms.  But coronavirus has made me realize how fragile my life is and this little bug can turn it upside down so easily. 

The virus has made me think if I am "ready"and "prepared". I don’t fear death, but I do worry if I am ready. Do I have financial, medical, spiritual and emotional plans, and if I do, are they up to date?

Let me ask you: Do you have plans and if so, are they up to date? 

We have discussed this before but let me review these with you once again. As adults, we have always made decisions and have been in-charge of our lives. But a time may come when we may lose the ability to make such vital decisions. Although I hope that all of us remain alert, lucid and in-charge till our last breath, but that may not be the case.

In our society and culture, we pride in self-determination. No one can touch our bodies without our consent. But what if we cannot give consent because we are comatose after suffering a stroke or an accident? Have you talked to your loved ones and have you chosen one person who will speak for you when you are unable to do so? Someone called Healthcare Proxy, healthcare agent or a power of attorney? Have you discussed how you would wish to be cared for: Aggressively with every available treatment and procedure or would you like to be left alone and die peacefully if you had reached a point when your doctors said that it was futile to carry on?

If we don’t have any plans in place, we will very likely create untold chaos and confusion among our grieving survivors. You know your immediate family members very well. I bet there will be 10 opinions about how and where to conduct the funeral, where to bury, whom to notify and so on. Do they have phone numbers of your dear friends whom you would like to be notified so that they can attend the funeral?

Will they know where the deeds to the property are and which banks hold your accounts and your safe deposit box? You know that the banks will freeze the account because you never designated beneficiaries to these accounts?

Remember the stories our ancestor told us that loving and sweet brothers and sisters suddenly became so estranged over the money matters that they never ever spoke to each other again! You surely do not want to add another burden and conflict among your survivors while they are grieving and struggling with the loss. 

Additionally, during the coronavirus pandemic, the family members are not being allowed in the hospitals and the intensive care units to visit the sick loved ones.  How will your wishes be communicated if you can't speak and the family is not around?  One way is to have copies of your health care proxy available to give it the EMT when the ambulance comes to take us to the hospital.

If you live alone, paste it on the fridge or on a visible place so that EMT's can see it.

Another ways is to have a photo or a PDF copy on your cell phone. Make sure that it can be accessed without a pass code so that the medical team can see it.

Maybe you want to leave a legacy that will carry on your name and your community service? If you do, then the time is now. If you don’t, you can only hope that your heirs will do what you wanted to do.

Think about this and do whatever is needed to make sure your wishes are made known to your healthcare team.

Unlike other natural disasters, the coronavirus event has left us with intact infra structures: We have power, internet and telephone service that can connect us with each other. We also have time on our hands since we are forced to stay home. You will not have a better opportunity than this in the near future.

So think about it and then call up your loved ones to lay out your plans. If you have difficulty discussing issues around death and dying, then perhaps you can write them down and create a document that they will be able to follow. It is better that you appoint one individual as your spokesperson and agent even if you were to write down all your wishes and instructions. It has to be someone that you trust. You can appoint a friend or a neighbor (It can not be your physician).

Starting a discussion about advance directives is the most difficult part. An expert has suggested that it may be easy to start such conversation with positive and inspiring item such as a creating a legacy even if it is as small as planting a tree in your name.

So, do it today or at least started to think about it.

I would to hear from you. Leave a comment or a question. 

All the best